Graduation and -------

Well, high school is now in the past tense, left to dwell in memories and pictures. And what memories! I can't believe how fast it has flown by. Last night was graduation and throughout the night, I probably heard fifteen people repeat in some form of words, "Seems like yesterday that..." I walked in the LCS doors with my plaid skirt and white polo top. I went home crying in the 8th grade because CJ gave me a mean look. I actually ran three miles in 29 minutes, which for me, is a miracle. Ashley and I were making posters on the LCS girls' bathroom floor for the ice cream social. Mr. K would throw us our "flying journals" in 9th grade Bible class. Diana and I would lay on her bed, looking at pictures of and dreaming of trips to Ireland while drinking our green tea. Fortunately, I think I have enjoyed and appreciated high school to the best of my ability, and I have departed with contentment. You've treated me kindly, old friend.

After graduation, me and some other good friends thought we would venture to 23rd Avenue to scout out any charming restaurants. Our venture landed us at Papa Hydn's at about 10:45, and we left having quite our fill of divine, $11.50-a-plate cuisine. Chicken and avacado sandwiches always do me well...

Now to the subject of -------.

I have concluded that the ultimate thing for man, and me, to do is trust in God. There really is no other way that leads to a life of such blessing, especially in the area of -------. I can be impatient and say "gimme, gimme" or "I want it now," but my timing is not God's timing and would thus end up in heartache. Hence, trusting that God's plan is the best plan for me is quite soothing to the soul, taking away all worry or agitation concerning -------. 

Coffee Shop

I am currently at coffee shop (its real name is Ava Roastaria, but to me and a few others, it is known as "coffee shop") with a good friend enjoying my rainy holiday. Usually this place is about half empty, but it is quite packed today, I'm assuming because of the rain. This place has become quite overgrown on my heart in the last year. Number one, it's not Starbucks. Number two, it's become a regular place to go to do homework or hang out after The Way, usually with one of my good friends. And number three, not taking into account the $6.oo sandwiches, it's just plain charming. 

So my homework is done, and now we are just sitting, enjoying the buzz of conversations and our computer fans (well, his computer fan...mine's a mac and is thus VERY quiet).

Well, of course.

Well, of course. Now that everyone realizes we'll be done in a week and a half. Now that everyone is realizing that their frustrations and grumblings were, in fact, quite petty, and the real issue may not be those around them, but something a little closer to home. Now that everyone is realizing how blessed they really were to have such a great environment of encouragers and people who told them the truth about life. Now that they are realizing that they may never have something quite like this ever again. 

Of course everyone is finally enjoying and embracing each person for who they are. Of course there are genuine smiles given down the halls in passing period. Of course the teacher is finally gaining some humility, realizing that maybe he wasn't the ultimate source of success for his students, although he was a factor. Of course people are finally expressing how they really feel about others, understanding that there is now no room for dishonesty or hidden appreciation. Of course deep friendships are just now developing.

I am not saying that these feelings of appreciation and embracing others, which are just now happening, are superficial acts of love. They are real and meaningful and genuinely given. But why are they blossoming at the end of it all? Why not live that way all the time? Becuase "life happens"? Because today we are happy and tomorrow "screw the world because I didn't have my corn flakes"? I would beg to disagree with that argument. Yes, we are human and we all have bad days. But is that an excuse to forget that we are supposed to be a reflection of Christ in everything we do? I would argue that each person, whether happy or sad, mad or joyful, has the capability of being genuine all the time. I mean, as Christians, aren't we held to a standard of being real? Not judgmental or self-seeking, but real?

"I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the Stern fact, the Sad Self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from." 

-Emerson

What's the point of short-lived enjoyment when it's not really who we are as whole persons?

Good and Best...

I know that this is a good thing. But I also know that it is not the best thing. But as the best thing has not crossed my path yet, I am left with the good thing, and the good thing is quite good, really. In fact, the good thing is so good that I have never come across anything as good as this good thing. But I know that the good thing is still not the best thing, which makes me ponder whether my involvement in this good thing is worthwhile. Am I keeping myself from the best thing by distracting myself with the good thing? In that case, would it be a bad thing? Bad in the sense that it is holding me back from my ultimate destination, my "Jerusalem," in the words of Nehemiah, quoted by John Mark, young adults pastor at Solid Rock Church? But compared to everything else in my life right now, the good thing stands out like a red balloon in a gray city. The good thing, like I said, is quite good. Just not the best thing. So where is the line that turns the good into bad?

Trifling...

I am finding this season in my life to be quite trifling. 

The thoughts of leaving a place where I have been accepted as who I am, where I have been challenged to be better, where countless memories have been made has proven to be a little heavy. I have been with the same eighteen people for five years, and although there are things about them that sometimes drive me mad, I have grown to love them like family. And yet, there is also a part of me that just wants to get away from them all, like a child who, although he loves his family, is desperate to leave home and explore the world. What really lies beyond the borders of Life Christian School, which is all I have ever known? But then again, will the people out in the real world love and accept me like those at Life have? Like I said, it's trifling.

 ------- has been tormenting my thought life a lot recently. I tend to over-think many things in life (relationships, God, books, calculus, etc,), and instead of just trusting in God for his will to be done and believe in his grace on my life, I tend to dwell and stew and dissect every little thing I don't understand, hoping to find some understanding through my own thought-out conclusions. So with -------, I could just give it up to God and allow him to grant me his peace that passes all understanding, including mine, but ------- is someone I see every day and my frustrations won't seem to relent. I feel like an alcoholic who genuinely would like to stop drinking, yet they work at the Jack Daniels Brewing Co. Doesn't help the situation...

On a brighter note, I have recently given into something in which I vowed never to involve myself--fake tanning! Coming out of Winter, my skin was terribly white. And desperate to get some form of color on my face before Spring Formal, I (aka my mom) bought the "Prom Special" package, where I get to tan every day for a month. So far, I believe that my new love has finally come in the form of a tanning bed and bug-eyed goggles. With each 7-minute session of UV, cancer-causing light, the endorphines in my body are released, and I walk out of the tanning place feeling like a new person...

Oh, by the way, yesterday I received a graduation gift from my grandparents in the form of a MacNotebook, on which I am writing this blog. I feel very grateful currently and have thus spent most of my sick day (I have strep throat) figuring out how to use it.