The Eve of Christmas...

Okay, alright, I didn't finish The Torrents of Spring in two days like I anticipated I would. It got a little slow, so I took a day off. Then I finished it just now. 

Ernest, I do really love many and most of your works, and although I did enjoy reading The Torrents, I didn't fancy the ending. It was just kind of...blah. Oh well, you have a good record with me, so my view of you has not changed.

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It's Christmas Eve, and it's RAINING! For the first time in a week and a half, I can hear water actively flowing through the gutter. It's a joyous thing to see and hear, especially after being stuck in the house for so long, bound by freezing/snowy conditions and incapable, two-wheel drive cars. CRASH!!! (As I'm typing on my bed next to my window on the second floor, a huge sheet of snow just slid off of our roof). For a while, I dreamt of a white Christmas, but after this last week, I'm dreaming of a rainy one.

Although, I must say, I truly do not have anything to grumble about. In Portland, when it snows, the whole city kind of shuts down. Maybe all this weather is a good thing, holding people inside and stopping all the frantic craziness that often plagues the Christmas holiday which is supposed to celebrate peace. Instead of rushing out the door today for practice for our Christmas Eve service at church (which was cancelled), I've been able to just relax and enjoy my family. Instead of spending crazy amounts of money for entertainment purposes over the last week, my brother and I simply walked everywhere (friends' houses, the post office, church, the mall, Target). The snow is wearing me out a bit, but I am also thankful for the last week of rest I've had. 

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Snow day and Hemingway...

Here I am. Housebound for the seventh day in a row. Well, I shouldn't say completely housebound because I managed to make it to the church Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night, and on Wednesday Elliot and I, eager and desperate to do something other than watch the snow fall, walked four miles to a friend's house. But today, Sunday, church was cancelled again and the snow is still here. Quite beautiful, yes, but also confining. I was once sick in bed for a week and at the end of the week, my leg muscles felt a bit sore and stiff from not moving for so long. My legs feel the same today.

So, I am here. Snuggled up in bed, looking out on our neighbor's back yard blanketed in snow. Two days ago, after realizing that I had done nothing of great importance during the week inside my house besides making cookies and spending quality time with family, I decided I would commit to reading and finishing a book every two days (as long as I'm housebound, that is). So, I started Ernest Hemingway's The Torrents of Spring yesterday and will probably finish it today. It's a quick read, but, as usual, I just love Hemingway's witty nonsense that seems to weave its way into all of his books. I just love him. Although, I have found wise not to recommend his books to others whom I have not yet known well. Some people love him at first read, but others, often the people who I recommend him to, seem to find him quite dull and pointless. More for me, I guess.

Elliot just walked in and threw the idea out that we should walk to the mall, or a coffee shop, or any place outside of this house. Sounds glorious to me.

Scatterbrained 3

I woke up this morning to a lovely four inches of snow blanketing the ground outside. I am home for the holidays in Portland now, and it was such a pleasant surprise to wake up and see a kind of Winter wonderland out my window. I gazed out my window for quite a while before forcing myself out from under my warm covers and heading downstairs for some breakfast.

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I just love Portland. Being away for three months was tough--tougher than I ever expected it to be. I saw sides of my internal self that had never been exposed--those parts that only show their face when one is thrown into circumstantial extremes. Being in a place of comfort is easy. It's easy to grow spiritually. It's easy to feel that feeling of belonging. It's easy to feel that life is solidly moving along and is sure. Yet, through being away, I have grown, grown, grown, and grown some more in ways that being comfortable could not have done.

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I love being home. It's home. It's Portland. It's where my heart is. Yet, I'm realizing that I do miss my friends. My USEM class, as I've raved about before, was/is just so amazing. We were all stretched incredibly in ways that resulted in change for the better. Each person was/is so unique and only adds to the fun of the group. They are going to be missed in my heart.

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Listen to Joanna Newsom. She's amazing. She may take some getting used to, and her stuff is kind of an acquired taste. But, if your taste allows, she's great. Download "Peach, Plum, Pear" or "Sprout and the Bean."

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This summer I'm going to Avena's house. Okay, Avena? Okay. It's settled then. Oh, and I'm also going to Ukraine with Diana. Okay, Diana? Your dad said so. Okay. It's settled then.

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Oh, because of the snow, we didn't think it would be smart to drive, so my mom, two of my brothers, and I walked the two miles to church. It was great fun.

Three days in a row!!

Pitter patter. Pitter patter. Pitter patter. 

For the third day in a row, by some miraculous happening, I have timidly walked up to the third floor of the library, unsure of whether or not I would find what I was looking for, and have been stunned and delighted to find a "big table" unoccupied. I was unsure today especially because as I walked passed the first and second floor, it seemed that every seat in the house was taken by some intensely studying college student. But, being the conditioned Ashton resident that I am*, with a little faith and hope, I ventured to the top and received my reward with great satisfaction. 

Now, I am sitting comfortably (the chairs on the third floor have great back support), overlooking the campus as the rain coming down in sheets pitter patters on the tall windows. The shoot of deep green leaves springing from the tree next to the library (that I spoke of in my last entry) is still deep green, and the rest of the tree is still a brownish-yellow, and I still have to study for finals.

I'm going to study hard for the next few hours, then at 4:30, I am meeting with my USEM group to work on our Christmas medley that we will be presenting on Thursday as our final. Each group has been assigned to arrange a medley of holiday tunes, using our own musical skill, and notating the whole piece. Fortunately, their is a wide variety of instruments my group can play (saxaphone, flute, cello, guitar, piano, mandolin), so it has made working on this final project quite fun, and it really hasn't felt like work at all. AND, the people I was assigned to work with are simply amazing and the creative juices that flow when we're all together are wonderful.

Alright, watch out, Chemistry! I will conquer you!

Two days in a row!

In the midst of this over-populated, yet beautiful, campus, I have found that the one place I can study and be most focused for long periods of time is on the third floor of the library at the "big tables". I can spread all my papers and books across it, while overlooking the campus and still having room for my Starbucks--although if I was in Portland it would be Stumptown--coffee. Other people must feel the same way because it is not often that there are any tables open. Yet, today, among the myriads of cramming students, when the library is filled from morning to morning, I was blessed with a big table. And for the second day in a row! 

Fall is beautiful. But then there's that period where not all the leaves have fallen, but have turned brown, and are still clinging for dear life, or death, to the trees' branches. It's that "in between" stage for Fall and Winter, and it's quite gloomy. There's one tree outside of the window I'm sitting by that is covered in yellowy-brown leaves that are just yearning to fall off. Yet, at the very tippy-top of the tree, there's one shoot that has about ten deep green leaves attached to it. Either it didn't get the Autumn memo or it has past Winter and gone straight to Spring. Who knows...

I am quite thrilled for Christmas break. I've committed to myself to finish three books I have been "reading" for about two months (The Pursuit of God, The Saving Life of Christ, and Silas Marner). I have always loved reading, but doing it as a hobby seems to slow down while I'm in school. There's always that paper that could be touched up, that chapter for chemistry that could be read, that presentation that could be perfected, and reading for luxury seems to get in the way of academics. So, I will have about a month in December/January to finish these books--and they are worth finishing!

Okay. Back to Russian plurals...

Random Thoughts for Today...

The sky is black outside and it is only five o'clock in the evening. And until February twenty-first, it will only be getting darker earlier and earlier. I am sitting at a table on the third floor of the SPU library with my notebooks, textbooks, and Russian notecards scattered across the tabletop--finals week is here! 

Last night my University Seminar class went out to the Cheesecake Factory downtown, and it was lovely. Downtown Seattle is just ethereal during Christmas time. The trees are covered in lights, the street performers are delighting the ears of those who pass by with Christmas melodies, and it's just crisp and cold enough to produce rosy cheeks. I felt so delighted as my friend Avena and I walked, arm in arm, up and down the sidewalks just enjoying the night.

After the Cheesecake Factory, about eighteen of us all headed over to our mentor's house, packed like sardines in two (small) cars, which were each made to hold only five. We played a few games and just enjoyed being together. I felt/feel so blessed to be with people who I feel like I've known for a lot longer than two months. The ease I feel around them is the same ease I felt after spending five years with the same eighteen people in high school. Except I've only been with my USEM group for two months.

Being a college freshman, it can often be hard to truly connect with people and get a sense of family. Obviously, meaningful relationships take time, and being thrown into a place where no meaningful relationships have been built yet can be tough. Upon arrival, no one knows you, you know no one, and home becomes sort of a place of longing. Yet eventually, relationships begin to develop, and that feeling of having no true interpersonal relationships begins to die away. It is true that there is no place like home, but last night, I felt like I was around family. The pro's in me moving home greatly outweigh the cons, but leaving the people I am just getting to know is definitely one of the cons. It makes me sad to leave such a talented and diverse group of people, but I have a feeling that the friendships that have developed here will go beyond my stay here...

Now, I dive into the rules for making Russian nouns plural. Molitess o tom, chto ya dobitsya uspeka ve finale ne!

Contemplations...

Such an unfamiliar place. 

Yet, over time, that unfamiliarity is what becomes a place of familiarity in the heart.

So many great adventures.

And friendships that could have been.

And little undiscovered coffee houses and thrift stores.

And the Vintage mall.

But awaiting me is something I feel I am called to.

Peace that passes all understanding.

Easier? No.

More familiar? Yes.

Am I sad for leaving?

Yes.

Am I happy for leaving?

Yes.

Am I excited that this is part of His journey for me?

Ecstatic.

Ecstatic that oftentimes His voice rings louder than those who may be pressuring me to stay.

"Those" implying extended family and parts of my heart.

What an adventure life is.