Last night I got thirteen hours of sleep. Amen.

My thoughts today...

Ah, the end of the weekend. 

For some reason I thought I was superwoman last week and stayed up until 1 a.m. (at least) every night. Tuesday through Thursday my body was quite fine with it. But when Friday rolled around, so did that burnt out, sick feeling. Now it's Sunday evening, and although I just took a two-hour nap, my throat still has a lump stuck in it. I think in these next few days, I'll try and live off of fruits, veggies, and Odwalla Monster-C and Superfood drinks...

Seattle is ever so slowly growing on me. For me, there is really no place like home. Portland is just so great because it has a great downtown life, yet in a fifteen-minute drive, there are wide open country spaces. The beach is an hour away. The mountain is an hour away. It's clean. It's green. The coffee is amazing. It's familiar. So in moving up here, I have felt a little bitter against Seattle because there is just so much city. And gray. And car exhaust. And traffic. And unfamiliarity.

Yet, ever so slowly, I'm beginning to like this place for what it is. Last night I had dinner at my aunt and uncle's house, which is but ten minutes from campus. It was so consoling to be in a real house with real food and a real fireplace. I think I'll be heading over there more often then not.

Ooh! On Friday I bought the full Jon Foreman EP collection for five bucks at a cd resale store in Fremont. I am quite thrilled.

College.

It's been a bit of a stretch. No, it's been a LOT of a stretch. But most of the best lessons are not learned through easy sailing. Many of the best lessons are learned through tough trial, frustration, some confusion, and, often, tears. So far, all four have taken place, and I hope I'm better for it. 

There are many good things I have moved away from in coming here--a  dear church family who loves me and encourages me; a mom who seems to put to words in just the right way all of my confusing ponderings of the day; new, budding friendships that not only challenge my faith, but drive me to become a better person; a place--home--where I feel safe and unguarded; ongoing opportunities to use my gifts in ways that glorify God; and many others. And it would seem, looking back on the last two and a half weeks, that this place I've come to now has countered everything good left back at home--I'm here with what seems to be no connections to a corporate church family who is as precious to me as what I have at home; instead of outwardly processing my day with my mom who I feel quite safe with, my ponderings are left alone and somewhat burried inside my labyrinthine head, only to come bursting out at inopportune times like a pent up volcano; I am now left with, other than my car, no personal space to relax (I, being a naturally introverted person, thrive off of personal alone time); I now seem to be viewed as a simple and confused "high school graduate at a big university" by those around me, that being all that's expected of me, where before, I was held to a higher standard of living by my peers and mentors, which didn't make me think higher of myself or elevate myself (because really, I am nothing and am only useful as a tool in the hand of God), yet made me push forward to improve who I was. Like I said, it would SEEM that this place I've come to now has removed all of the "good" things that have been left back at home.

Yet, in the last few days, after a two or three days of frustrations and complaints to God about my uncomfortable state, I've realized how short-sighted my reasoning is. Not only is it a fine privilege for me to be cast into a melting pot of new and uncomfortable circumstances, but to be in a place where I am stripped of all familiar surroundings is a complete joy:

"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

That I would be chosen to go through such testing, and as a result, come out a better person, sharpened and trained in ways that familiarity cannot touch, is, to me, a blessing.

Of course, this positive attitude isn't by my own inward stirrings. It is only by the strength which comes from God, who is quite gracious.