Knowing God Part 2

...And if we don't truly know God, how can we truly believe and take to heart what he says? In one of his recent teachings, Josh White, one of the teaching pastors at Solid Rock Fellowship, commented on a big question that often lingers in a Christian's mind--the question, Why does the world not believe what I believe? The answer? Because we don't fully believe what we believe. 

If we, Christians, followers of Christ, don't truly understand and know who we serve, than we send out a mixed testimony to the world, and they, in turn, don't believe what we believe because we don't even know!

I call myself a Christian and I don't even truly know God? I know about him, yes. I know much biblical theology, yes. I know who the Bible says he is. I can pray to him, yes. Like a child to a loving Father, the Bible says I am supposed to know God. George McDonald says that "at the center of the universe is divine Fatherhood." We were made to have a deep-rooted, intimate relationship with God. And yet, I seem to reduce a compassionate Father who has called me his daughter and given me the right of being his firstborn to a theological symbol, a being that I cannot know on an honest, personal level.

So again I ask, do you know God? 

Driving.

I recently attended a four-day family reunion in Kalaloch, Washington, a fresh, beautiful, Northwesty town on the coast in the middle of the Hoh Rainforest. It was a spectacular place, which added to all the joyful gestures that bursted out of the mouths of our reuniting family. I feel so blessed to have extended extended family that I've grown up with, and the four days I was there were just incredible. But besides the meaningful bonfires with second cousins, the horseshoe tournaments, the climbing huge cedar trees, running on the beach with my aunt, the sharing of old memories, and the making of new ones, one thing I loved about the reunion was that I got to drive to and from the destination alone.

I would have just driven along with my dad and his family, but I had to leave the reunion earlier than they did, so, I drove myself. Just me, my thoughts, a 12 oz. coffee with cream from Dutch Bros., my new Above the Golden State cd, and the open road for five hours (each way). I guess to some people that may be boring, but I enjoyed every minute of it. The location of our reunion was very beautiful, but driving there and getting to experience all the changes of the land was so much more fulfilling. The crystal clear lakes, the gigantic trees that towered over the highway, the little minimarts in the middle of nowhere, the endless foxglove that scattered the sides of the roads, the sun bursting its rays through the thick forests--an experience that I probably would have ignored if I were not driving alone.

My recent thoughts...

I have recently been reflecting on the last year. Much has happened, and much is changing. I am in a sort of in between stage with where my life is going. Here's a few of the main ideas that have been swirling around in my brain...

- There are only a few people from my high school class who I am really making an effort to keep in touch with. The people that were my friends in high school were kind of like default friends. I saw them every day for five years, and being that my class was small, we all just became close, whether we wanted to or not. They may not have been people I would have chosen to be around outside of school, but we all grew to appreciate and love each other nonetheless. Now that I am out of the boundaries of high school, I feel kind of liberated--not from them, but from the concept--that I can choose who I want my real close friends to be.

- I feel that one relationship, in particular, was kind of a waste of my time. Well, I say that carefully because that person is still a very good friend of mine, and it wasn't them who was the waste. It's not that the time I spent with them was a waste either, but more how I handled the situation that makes me look back in a little--and it is very little--regret. I have always found it intriguing how a little inkling of fancy towards the opposite sex can manipulate the judgment of the fancier. For three months, I felt weighted down--not by him, but by the commitment and importance I placed on the whole situation. In putting such importance on that person, I began to think that I should have the same beliefs and thought processes as that person, which was compromising to my own, personal standard of myself. I have always been a person who, no matter how people viewed or perceived me, was sure of myself and confident in who God was to me. But for three months, the girl who I thought was stable and sure got a little confused and perplexed--not ruined or abandoned, just perplexed.

- I think I am a little sad. There's something so awesome about having a home church that knows you, having a home church where you've had history and people care about you and can pray and encourage you. I had that for seven years at a certain church, but the time came for a switch, and it came fast. After a few months of looking, I finally found a church that I felt I could settle in. I've been there now for about 5 months, and being that it is a big church, I feel that I am just beginning to get that "home church" feel. I recognize people and am getting to know people on a deeper level that Sunday morning small talk, which is something that is very dear to me. Unfortunately, I will be leaving for nine months this September, and will have to go through the process of looking for another church again. The church I am now attending will be the church I attend when I'm at home, but I feel sad because I love the people I am just getting to know so much, and it's frustrating that I'll have to go. I know that God has a purpose for my every move in life, so I am looking forward to what he has in store for me in Seattle. Sometimes fully grasping that is just hard.

Knowing God

Knowing God. What an intense thought. Do you know him? I don't mean know about him, or know all the right answers to Biblical or moral questions, or know who the Bible says he is. I mean, literally, do you personally know him? I also don't mean do you pray to him. Praying  to and knowing someone are very different actions.

When first getting to know someone, it usually takes a little while for me to figure that person out, to understand their dynamic. Once I've figured them out, I can then understand and know why they do what they do or act the way they act. If at first I analyzed their actions without knowing who they were or where they came from, I'd be getting the order wrong and would be doing myself a disservice. I'd end up judging them wrongly or assuming things about them that were not wholly true.

I think sometimes people analyze God's actions and decipher why he does what he does without truly knowing him, myself included. This process usually ends with frustration and twisted conclusions, which is unfortunate. 

I then think of the passage in the Bible (the location of the passage is currently lost upon me) that talks about the people who stood before God and basically said, "Look at all the things we've done for you, Lord! We've prophesied in your name, have driven out demons..." Then God replies, "But I never knew you. Away from me..."

So, do you know God? Really? It's a question that has recently been weighing heavily on my thought life for a few weeks.

Today I had the opportunity to sit on our new front porch. It's not really a porch by definition, it's more like a walkway, but there is room to sit on the edge of the doorstep. As I sat there, I felt like I was in one of those movies where everything around the character is forced into slow motion--everything except the character herself. The sun was just so...cozy. Not hot, or overly bright, or annoying, just cozy. And the wind was blowing just so, making our neighbors wind chimes tink and twink in a disorganized, but beautiful, fashion. Our other neighbor was playing a classical serenade on her violin, and although she was playing indoors with the windows closed, the sound was like a far off bird. To add to it all, the gigantic oak tree near our house caught the wind and was making a beautiful swwwiiish sound...

 It was just one of those moments that was so beautiful and simple. Oh! I know. It was like the opening scene from the movie August Rush. The little boy just breathing and taking in the sounds around him in the tall, swaying grass. 

I'm on a roll...

Yes, I'm on a roll today. Three posts in one sitting. Although the first one didn't count because I just copy and pasted it from my computer, being that I didn't have internet when I wrote it.

Anyhow, the one thing I forgot to mention is that I made a musical discovery. Well, I didn't make the discovery. Someone introduced me to his music. 

His name is Josh White. He was a huge player of the blues back in the 20's and 30's. My favorite song of his right now is "Pure Religion." Simple, yet so deep. Download it off of itunes right now.

The Jonas Brothers

I first heard of them when a ten-year-old girl in my church squealed with giddiness as she unraveled the fact, in many fast and jumbled words, that she had front row seats to their concert the night before and Nick, on of the three brothers, had apparently looked at her and winked, which meant that they were meant to be together forever and for always.

The second time I heard them was on the Disney Channel when they did a special with Hannah Montana.

My first impressions of them instilled in me no degree of interest.

But slowly, after hearing "When You Look Me in the Eyes" and "Burnin' Up," my old love for the Backstreet Boys has been reignited in the form of the Jonas Brothers. Yes, it's true. But for the present time, I have only really enjoyed listening to the two songs I mentioned. The others that they've put out have, well, the typical teeny-bopper sound. Nevertheless, they're growing on me.

Fourth of July

(I actually wrote this post of the Fourth of July, but I had no internet on that day...)

So I guess it is time to write. Write about what? Something worth knowing, I guess. There are some times when writing, even if the content is insignificant, is a good thing to do. It keeps the brain working, keeps the consciousness of thought processes in motion, reminds me that I can still create and think up sentences on my own, pointless as they may seem. So today, a lazy, Fourth of July afternoon, I have felt the need to write. So write I will...

I've come to the conclusion that whatever it is I'm doing, if I am doing it in the presence of people who are better than me, and I am being depended on to come through, my game is upped. This may be an obvious fact to most people, but I didn't realize the whole truth of it until yesterday.

For the past six or seven months, I have been going to a great church. As I've felt the desire to become more involved, I decided to try out for the music team. Music is something in which I was greatly involved in my previous church, but I didn't want to rush into things too fast at this new church. I wanted to test the waters a little before I committed to a dive in. Anyways, so yesterday I brought in my mandolin, played a little for the worship leader, and went through the usual routine of him asking me questions, having me play this or that, etc. At this church, there are tons of great musicians, and the whole time I was in the interview/tryout, I noticed myself forcing my fingers to do what my mind wanted them to do. I have always had a fear of being forced to improvise on a song I was unfamiliar with. But during the interview, I did. And I did okay. ("Okay" for me is great, being that usually my improvisation skills can be described as a "Train wreck ending with tensed fingers and small beads of sweat forming at the corners of my forehead").

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or haughty in my recently improving mandolin skills. I was just so taken aback that in the circumstance where I was surrounded by those better at music playing than me, where I needed to be good, and it was expected of me to be good, I was better than I thought I ever could be.

This truth seems to be the same in every area of life. I tend to feel the same and get similar results when I surround myself with people who seems to know God better than I. My faith is naturally challenged due to the increased standard I am surrounded by.

Again, I think this is something that most people would view as plain logical living. It's not necessarily a profound thought. I just haven't fully grasped it until now...

On a different note, I just finished reading "The Secret Life of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd, and it was simply fabulous. If you want a good read, no, if you want a GREAT read, go buy it now. Yet again, it was one of those books that left me wanting, almost hurting for, more information about the characters. What will Lily end up doing with her new found life? Will Zach be a part of it? And T.Ray. What will become of him? Oh bother.

Sue, it would do you well, I'm sure, to write a sequel.